Feeling kinky but you’re single or don’t have a partner that’s into it? You can get your kink on by yourself! The Pussy Posse broke it down in a recent session.
First, what is kink to you? How do you know if you are kinky?
Kinky sex can be broadly defined as any sexual behavior outside what is considered typical. Just know that what seems like mild sexual activity to you, like oral sex for example, might seem outside of someone else’s norm. Kinky sexual activities may include things like spanking, bondage, or role playing. Sexual arousal from an object or body part, such as a fetish for feet or high heels may also be considered kinky. Really, if you think that you’re kinky then you probably are.
Polyamory and swinging are about relationships rather than behaviors, so although these lifestyles may not be typical, these aren’t considered kinky. Although poly folks and swingers may be kinky too!
Isn’t kink about having something done to you or doing something to others?
Yes, in kinky activities with a partner, one is usually receiving the activity and the other is giving the activity. Let’s break down some basic terminology:
Bottom: This is the person receiving the activity. There are a variety of bottom roles, depending on the power dynamic. Submissive, sub, slave, and masochist could all be considered a bottom role.
Top: This is the person giving the activity. Again, there are a variety of top roles including Dominant, dom, domme, master, sadist
Switch: Someone who will participate in both the bottom and top role
As you engage in the kink world, you’ll figure out how you identify.
For example, I consider myself to be a bottom-leaning switch. I tend to prefer to take the bottom role, but I do like to top sometimes. I don’t identify as a submissive or slave, and I don’t enjoy receiving pain. On the flip side, I’m not a Domme and giving pain only distresses me – even if the receiver enjoys it.
We’re all different. As you learn and explore, your preferences and role will become clear and may change over time.
So then how is it possible to practice kink by yourself?
It’s all in your mindset. It’s very possible to be your own top and bottom, or to be your own dominant and submissive. Want something kinky done to you? Yes, you can receive an activity from yourself. Want to do something kinky to another? You can be your own bottom and do it to yourself. In a sense, you become a switch by experiencing both roles.
This reminds me of how I played board games with myself when I was an only child. I’d set up Monopoly for two players, and literally switch places to play the game by myself. I just imagined myself in two different roles. Either way, I was the winner!
Why practice solo kink?
Self-exploration is an excellent way to discover your interests safely. Most kinky activities require a great deal of trust, whether you are in a top or bottom role. You can explore sensations and experiences at your own pace within your comfort zone. It can be a safer way to experience kink. You are completely in control.
You may be kinky but your monogamous partner is not. This happens a lot – really! You can give your kinky side an outlet, either by yourself or as your partner watches, with mutual consent of course!
Simply, do it for your own self-pleasure! Kink can be part of your masturbation practice. If you are fantasizing something kinky, add sensations that complement your fantasy. Some nipple clamps, self-impact play with a paddle or a crop, or tying a bit of rope around your body can enhance your experience.
Am I a loser if I practice solo kink?
Absolutely not! There is no shame in solo kink. We are taking our pleasure into our own hands, just like we do when we masturbate. In fact, just Google “solo kink” and you’ll see that it’s not at all unusual. Talking about our desires and activities, including solo kink, helps erase any shame. It was so reassuring to hear experiences shared by solo kinksters in the Pussy Posse. We need to give ourselves permission and claim our agency surrounding all our sexual desires.
Solo Kink Ideas from the Pussy Posse
Rope Play and Self-Bondage
Be your own rope bunny! The feel of rope on your skin can be a very sensual experience. You don’t need any special skills to wind rope around your body and feel it move across your skin. One Posse member suggested loosely wrapping heavy string around your toes, then pulling one end to feel the sensation of the rope moving across your skin. Really, you could do that with any part of your body, no knots needed!
When you’re ready, you can take it to the next level and do some self-tying. There are lots of videos on YouTube like this Self-Tie Tutorial from Rory’s Brainworks. With self-tying, the pressure of the rope can feel comforting, like having a hug. It might just be relaxing to hang out with your legs in a Mermaid Tie under a cozy blanket while reading a book and enjoying a cup of tea. Here’s another link to a neat torso self-tie. DevianceandDesire.com also has a number of blog posts and downloads with instructions for self bondage.
Please keep a pair of scissors handy in case of emergency. Always make sure that you can get out quickly, by yourself, especially if no one else is around.
What kind of rope can you use? Really, anything! Nothing fancy is needed. You can start with rope from the dollar store or Home Depot! If rope becomes your kink, then you can make an investment. Agreeable Agony has some less expensive options for getting started. Twisted Monk has a lot of great information about different types of rope and has many options for purchase. It’s a place to geek out, if you really get into rope.
Self-tying can be very enjoyable. It’s becoming more popular, too. Just Google with terms like self Shibari or self-bondage rope to find more resources.
P.S. Self-bondage isn’t only about rope! One Posse member shared a hot self-play session where she put herself in bondage with her own clothing. She got so entangled in her clothing that she could only untangle herself by going in reverse order. If you are alone, be sure to have a plan for getting out of your predicament.
Explore Pain Play
You can use pinch-y things like clothespins as implements to explore your experience with pain by yourself. Is it pleasurable? Nipple clamps are a common way to play with pain. Explore other areas of your body to discover how and where you like to receive pain. If you don’t like it, no worries! You’re in complete control and can stop at any time.
Link to DIY Clothespin Zipper Tutorial.
Solo Impact Play
I love to be spanked. After ending my last relationship, I missed that type of impact so I experimented with spanking myself. It works! Although I prefer barehanded spanking given by a partner, I find using a paddle made it easier for me when solo. I like thuddy impact and this paddle from Fun Factory delivers the right sensation for me. I’ve also used this same paddle for some gentle pussy spanking, which can feel delicious. When I did some Googling, I discovered that self-spanking is its own kink! Here is another excellent resource for self-spanking from DevianceandDesire.com.
Another Posse member talked about using other impact toys on herself. Swinging a crop between your thighs can deliver some painful pleasure. Also, swinging a flogger on your own back can feel like a massage, depending on the type of flogger that you have. I have some smaller sensation toy floggers that I use on my own breasts and nipples. Look for toys with longer handles to help you deliver impact sensation in harder to reach areas.
Don’t forget your feet! Bastinado, the practice of impact play on your feet, can be practiced solo. If you’re into pain, the soles of your feet have a lot of nerve endings and impact play there may be fun for you.
Of course, you can buy impact toys like floggers, crops, and paddles from a BDSM vendor. But you can find a lot of implements at the dollar store, or even in your own kitchen! Spatulas and wooden spoons can be used as impact toys. Pervertables are regular household items that are used in kinky ways. Just put your creative mind to work and give it a try to see if it brings you a pleasurable sensation. Once you’ve determined whether you like stingy or thuddy sensations, you’ll be able to differentiate when you try out a toy.
Safety Note: When giving yourself impact sensations, strike only fleshy areas of your body like your thighs, buttocks, and breasts. Avoid joints and bony areas.
Explore Impact Play
Yes, you can hit yourself and you might find that it feels good! This video helps you explore thuddy and stingy sensations using your hand then using common implements that you’ll find in your kitchen. Once you figure out what kind of impact sensation you like, explore using them on different parts of your body. For safety, stick to fleshy areas.
Using Audio Stories
A Posse member shared that she enjoys using erotic audio stories to get her solo kink on. What a great idea! Listen to a kinky story and find a way to give yourself the same sensations that are described. Or find a story that tells you what to do. Whether playing along or not, a hot story always adds to my spank bank.
These sites are by subscription. You can get unlimited access for a monthly fee.
Register to get four free stories a month
This site gives you a one month free trial
There are some free samples, join for full access.
If you Google around or search YouTube, you can find some free audio stories. Here is are some free stories that that I found!
This is a great start!
Thanks to the Pussy Posse for sharing your experiences and ideas! Stay tuned for more to come.
Let us know how it’s going, or if you have any ideas, please share in the comments below.